If i ever thought it would take a 3 week old to keeping me from keeping my cool I would have thought myself wrong. But I admit there are hours that are more of a challenge. I think the worse is the feeding or the lack thereof. It is hard to feel you need 'time off' after that one hour and a half and you can't help but feel like sh*** because you are not supposed to need time off! And plus the rest is also the fun stuff, so you want to be doing fun stuff too... But you just can't do it all because that weighs on your sanity. I guess I need the sanity more than the sleep so I will try to go back to my old self and sleep less to stretch the day. Let's see how that works out!
Sometimes I feel too low. . My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own. I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process. An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today. Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...
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