Home Away From Home

For those that face faith as a personal experience rather than a purely religious institution, Easter is time for renewal. That is why giving up on something makes sense, because it makes you think what you value and could leave without, as a way to focus your mind on transformation. No, I don't think God will give me praise for making a personal small sacrifice, but I do think it gets me closer to inner peace.  So now Easter is drawing close and as many years before this year calls for transformation. Last year I had the biggest transformation of all with C being born on holy Thursday. This year, my day needs to change. I need to gather the strength to admit that this just does not do it for me anymore. Challenge, making a difference and everyday kindness are indeed the most valuable things for me. And I am certain they are available all in one place. I even found them already. So I am putting it on 'paper' so I don't loose focus and my Easter has a real life meaning, ...

The word has different meanings at different points in time. At first, I thought it meant my self driven turnaround, taking back control and stop commiserating. Sooner than expected, the rug 'got pulled' from under my feet and it was explained to me that after all I would be given no room to do a turnaround.  Tears turned into anger, anger into frustration, and one more turn into a 'whatever' attitude that will clearly require another turnaround? But perhaps a real one this time.  In the meantime life goes on and funny enough the world keeps going around. Sadly I did not make the euromillions yesterday, I played hoping sometimes luck could hit home. That would be a turnaround!

A wise man once said - people may be nice to you but they may not always be kind. For someone like me, who likes to assume the goodness, or should I say the kindness in people, that is not inate.  I guess I never really stopped to think about of all those people who are nice to me, who would really step up the game and still be kind in the absence of a clear win win situation. Less absurd inverse correlation if you think of it like that.  Still, it does not mean I like the thought, it makes you second guess people, second guess thoughts and intentions. And even though this may be how a lot of people operate, it still messes with my mind. I guess my coach was 'spot on' when she said I am extremely values driven and I operate on the basis of what is right or wrong, as per my own values, naturally! That means multiple, somewhat persavive things - first, when other people operate under a value driven approached but based on a different set of principles, I find it just plain wrong...

Yesterday, in a day when we felt luck plays a bigger part in life than we would care to admit, the day was topped with the clear evidence of it. As we watched the final of the women ice hockey, with the US winning since 20 seconds of game, we saw the last 5 minutes bring a turnaround, with the Canadians scoring 57 seconds to the end, as the ball (I know it's called something else) deviating by hitting the leg of the US defender and going straight in from there. Luck? This was just the beginning. As Canadians are playing without a goalkeeper, and the ball is hit without anyone else to the Canadian goal, it magically hits the bar and keeps out. Really lucky. And then as the Canadians are hit by a penalty during golden goal stage, the US also gets an unexplainable one only 16 seconds later, and a more explainable one 1 minute later. And that's it, Canada scores and I can't help but feeling upset. I don't even care about who wins, not like I was rooting for the US, not that...

Stuck in the tube, friday 8.30am. Hqd planned to get in earlier but there is a train with no movement on the jubilee line. At least the driver is keeping us in a relatively good spirit and happy to spend Valentine's with us. 'I wish i got information to tell you' but at least he keeps sharing and trying to avoid bad mood and frustration. 'I hope the people staying on the platform can take the next train where I am sure people will be just equally beautiful and eagerly to take them as the people on this train." Anyway - I believe i am on a learning spree. First, baby sign language. And i am certainly impressed by it. I am impressed with so much of it! First, I am negatively impressed about how this is mot taught at school, allowing us to be truly more inclusive with one another. Furthermore, i am impressed about how sign language is not universal. I found out while I was researching courses for baby sign language that there is bsl and asl - and therr i was thinking ...

Yesterday I prayed for Peace. I do that a lot, probably every week by now (true, I lost the habit of praying daily, shame on me). But Peace not in the sense of world peace, peace as in inner peace. Don't get me wrong, it is not like I don't want world peace, I certainly do, and noises of a war threatening my dear children in Mozambique has shaken me but still, that is not what I prayed for.  I prayed to have light in my choices and peace to keep going in the certainty that they are the right ones. For me and B. Life does tend to question your faith some times. The first time that happened I was 22 and its resolution brought me as a volunteer to Mozambique, which on its own provoked one of the biggest changes in my life - the creation of a A Little Gesture. My faith has been more or less questioned at different points in time since then, most of the times through a feeling of unfairness seeing other people that are close to me suffering. True, sometimes I was also just frustrate...

The change (or lack thereof) in investor's interests and attitudes has an impact on entrepreneurs' incentives and ways of doing business and developing a startup. Indeed, the  entrepreneurs' mentality has also changed. While the VCs used to be willing to look for the next blockbuster idea as the best way to maxiize the return on their cash, it seems like now they rather build up a portfolio of mildly successfull startups, even if not life changjng. Now VCs want some sort of proven start ups, more late stage companies wanting to grow than early stage products in need of development. That means that entrepreneurs waning to get funding focus on existing ideas and try to improve them rather than change them radically. Who likes a contrarian? It is a hard sell! This has to bring me into rhe lean start up concept. The idea makes sense and it is rational, both from the investor and the entrepreneur's view.  Everyone is bound to lose less money if the product is better tested a...

Have people changed the way they look at incentives and are now more short term focused? It seems like people are still focused on making money as they always were. That is not an accusation, just a fact. Investor's ultimate goal was always a financial goal, whether that was measured by IRR, NPV, number of cars or else, a financial return is what it is. It is about making money. By nature capital is the end, not the means, therefore why would it care about second derivative outcomes. Why would money have to create jobs, new markets,breakthroughs? But if attitudes have not changed why are the outcomes different?   Transparency has increased people's visibility on how others make money and making a quick buck became more achievable but also more desirable.  Town heroes used be those supporting the village with jobs and businesses, not they are the billionaires.  Everyone would prefer to be a 'nice' billionaire but if not, a billionaire will do. Building s business used to...

But that we already knew. Some days feel so easy and others not really that much. But the easy days just make you feel like you can do it all - like going back to blogging, read a book, sort out clothes or just sit on the sun thinking of the business model you want to do. All this in the 2 hours in between less peaceful moments, all this ready to blow up on the next curve. You feel like time flies but now you can handle it and fly with it rather than just seeing the airplanes go by. 

Some days i get it right some days i get it sort of right :) (I am sure some days I will also get it wrong) Today was a sort of right kind of day. I finally went swimming. That was good. First thing in the morning, a good walk in the morning cold and LA fitness here i am for my 3 day trial. The swim was good and the first challenge was to actually get out of the pool. Gravity hit me big time and I realized i had not been 'carrying' the weight of my little one during the last 30 minutes, and it suddenly all went back to me. The second challenge was to climb the stairs from the basement -2 to the ground floor to actually make my way home. But looking back it went pretty smoothly and i was very proud of myself. Until off course i realized the clock had not really stopped clicking for me. And them it just went all the way insane, trying to go through a to do list that grows by the hour while at the same time trying to manage our first emergency in mozambique. And no matter ho...