Home Away From Home

Second time writing this post, as I hit the wrong key on the ipad. But I won't be stopped, not today.  Today, i became the official mother of a 3 year old, as we threw C's birthday party. I was not here for her birthday as we were in Cape Town. It broke my heart but it could not be avoided. I wanted to be there for Pedro and Sonja special day.  So i thought I would have an urge to over compensate. While I did a bit shopping wise, i did not with the rest. Because i feared drowning in my fears, zi was extremely alert to them. I did not fuse with them, i recognise them and said hi when they came, and eventually they must have gotten bored of waiting for me to stress out and took off to haunt someone that could be haunted. I absorbed the moments of exhuberant happiness as C danced, opened presents and did magic. I asked for help when I needed, including as I struggled with decorations. I even went for a touch of make up and half a nail polish before the party took off. I did not c...