It is hard for someone like me, someone so used to being on top of everything though always fighting time. Someone used to just sleeping less to sort any delays, to just do one more stretch and methodically go through my to do list. And now I have no control. Don't get me wrong, I am loving it, C is a piece of heaven and she is truly not a difficult baby. But perhaps she comes after is and she is awake a lot in the afternoon which means she takes control of the afternoons!! Sometimes she is just being interactive, listening or cuddling so it is not like i even notice. Bi just get to 7pm and say - oh day is gone again! We will find a way!
Sometimes I feel too low. . My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own. I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process. An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today. Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...
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