It has almost been a week and though it is still hard to believe we are some miles away from that feeling. The past six days have been intense and the funny thing is i can't help but think I had the best preparation for motherhood - investment banking... And B had consulting. It is a marathon, not a sprint, as people always say, though it may feel like a sprint in many laps. It will be intense like a sprint but it it will over last your patience, tolerance and best understanding like a marathon. I might struggle enjoying all the wonders of all the 'first times' would i not have a past of sleeping at late hours, short nights and recovering with a few couple of hours and no more. Yes, it is still hard on me, but i am amazed to just focus on the beauty of it and the aftermath that easier also means the wonder is replaced by anything less than a miracle like feeling.
Sometimes I feel too low. . My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own. I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process. An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today. Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...
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