I lived my birthday away, in a weekend I did not want celebrations. As I reached the end of my exhaustion line, I knew blowing up was half an inch away. Above all, I have been always very conscious of the sadness that was taking over, of the feeling of frustration, of the way I felt in an endless fight. I have given up on doing it all a long time ago but still I was not coping with the 'few' things I had focused on for this year. And as more stones came along the way, strength was gone to fight it. So I hope I have now hit the bottom and used this date I always celebrated so lively to turn the tide and have a re-birth. I have reached out for help and I know I am not alone.
Sometimes I feel too low. . My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own. I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process. An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today. Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...
Comments