Home Away From Home

My phisio today said the reason for my pain to continue may be my defiance. I asked her what she meant. She said I challenged all the adversities and kept moving on rather than stopping to solve them. How can I explain to her that had I stopped for each adversity this year, I would have stopped on the 2nd January and not recovered since? She says my life is always irregular and I spent all the time convincing her that in general my life has ups and downs like everyone else. But this year in fact there was a large concentration of downs, never giving time for the ups to really surface, and each down seems to have gone lower. All this to explain to her I would not be subscribing to a new gym yet and all I could do now was surviving the pain and do yoga to get my body slowly reacting. Two weeks ago she was upset at me, so last week I skipped it knowing the speech would be harsh after I went through the physical distress of my house move, an ikea visit and no yoga. I am glad I did.  Sh...

I am committed to writing more often, I think it will be good for me.  So as the week ends, I chose not to open my Princess sequel, as I know it will get me hooked again for tne next 3 days. The first book was quite strong. I can't say I was surprised but the reality check is harsh. I wonder what T feels about it. I read in her letter to her young self how she convinced her Dad to study abroad and be the first female in the family to do so. Some things in the book may resonate with her. Others are maybe a distant reality... Or so I would hope! I have been reading more. I missed devouring books like I used to do before sleep and ALG took over. It creates a sort of addition in me and I am not really free in my mind until I am over with it. The first ones I read after a long break were even worse, I used ever minute free with my kindle walking around the house to try and get a glimpse to the next paragraph. As the reading urge softens I am able to put the book down more often. It is a...

I lived my birthday away, in a weekend I did not want celebrations. As I reached the end of my exhaustion line, I knew blowing up was half an inch away. Above all, I have been always very conscious of the sadness that was taking over, of the feeling of frustration, of the way I felt in an endless fight. I have given up on doing it all a long time ago but still I was not coping with the 'few' things I had focused on for this year. And as more stones came along the way, strength was gone to fight it. So I hope I have now hit the bottom and used this date I always celebrated so lively to turn the tide and have a re-birth. I have reached out for help and I know I am not alone. 

On my 34th I thought maybe this year I would break with my tradition and not fundraise for  ALG as people may be sick of me doing it. But that thought lasted 30 seconds as I acknowledged the sense of accomplishment of pooling together friends and colleagues towards a common goal.  It is the best part of my birthday . And this is what I always do.    This year, I chose a new project and  I  fundraise as a mother . More than ever before I can recognise the value of education in my child's future, and the way it materially opens up opportunities in how she will see the world. So I  fundraise for young mothers in Mozambique , so they learn how to read and write. With this, they can have a second chance in life, though they may be as young as 16. More importantly, they will be more likely to give their kid education.   This is my birthday wish. Any of you wanting to help me with this effort is welcome to hit the link . https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraise...

It is hard to keep up with all that is going on. Between buying a house overseas and moving house in London, even after having already decided on both, is practically 200% capacity. When you add the health layer between the scare from my bigsis, and the multiple concerns with what must be the disease of the century hitting different members of the family, the overload alert is already high. And then you add yourself and all that over-work does to you, physically and mentally, and the bar is too high. Never Mind adding normal life things.  It is hard to keep up, as i gets to a point where it is no longer personal choice but ongoing things life throws at you. I use my 'busyness' with the way I chose to lead life and do many things. Now I long for the day when I can make that an excuse again!

Would it not be nice if sometimes life brought you goodies. If in the background miracles happen l ike a movie or a book, but one of those would sometimes be nice to happen in real life,  As tou get tired of rowing a boat empty handed and against currents, when not currents, winds, when not winds rain, you can't help but wondering if this is but a bad dream and you get ready to wake up any time. As I have convinced myself there are no Prince Frogs and expectations are key for you to be miserable, I have not had much day dreaming recently. But the same way when there are too many good things and any thing can turn the tide, you hope it is the opposite as well I guess. 

We managed a weekend away. Away in what was about to become the center of the unrest, which never really materialized. As Greece played chicken with Europe and lost, we loaded on euros and took off to Mykonos. It had been a few years since we last came, and I am glad we managed to shift everything around to be here, even though that meant C stayed with the nanny.  I am glad we came because it mattered to my sister. During the time we lived hell knowing she was at life risk, I know this is the one focus she kept - making it to Mykonos for the party. They had been planning it I guess for years and she made it her mission to speak about how she was going to make it. I guess that made people nervous, it made them think she did not understand the serious situation. I understood it did, and it was her choice to focus on life after, because there was nothing she could do about it then but wait for the surgery to be successful. And as soon as the suegery ended she followed the strict instr...