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Fears

I fear I won't make it, I fear no one will understand, I fear to be different, I fear not to fit in. Being here brings us together and brings us apart. In a way I fear no one will ever understand what I go through, in another I fear I will never be able to explain. I trust the little gesture I do will make me whole and at the same time each departure makes me incomplete. I try to spend the most and the least amount of time here and with each person and I always feel it is not enough. I do the same when I go back home and I always feel I don't meet people's expectations. It could be that I do, it could be that they just expect too much or it could be that I just don't do enough. The hours and days are barely enough to accomplish all I feel I could. But they still pass by and they never wait. I try to accept that I will never have it all and choose the little things that make me happy. But it is more talk than anything else as the things that make us happy are never that little and never that few.
I fear the days I walk the way and forget to appreciate the path, I fear to fail to see the lighthouse but also the diamonds on the way. It has been a while since I quoted the Monk who sold his ferrari but I guess it just came to mind.
It is time now, I run again, I miss you all and I miss it here already. Today I am in storm, tomorrow I will settle as I dive in the sea and find peace in my fears.

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Unknown said…
First sentence is the story of my life... miss you!!! Way too much xx
24 June, 2009 01:09
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