Home Away From Home

Bye grandma. Our goodbye was done a long time ago, even before you were ill. Our goodbye was unexplainable and to an extent unacceptable. You chose not to be with me, you chose not to ever meet B or C. Only 3 months ago did you find out C was even born. And we tried, we gave you outs. Even if we didn't, you never even wanted.  And I am so sorry. I have so much trouble understanding how little love you were willing to give mum. As a morher, I understand even less, as the overwhelming feeling of having kids surpasses anything I could imagine.  And I am so frustrated. Frustrated you had to end in sadness rather than surrounded with family, with grand children and great- grandchildren. Frustrated about how people chose to be apart when life is so short and so temporary. No matter what we believe about after life, life on this earth as we know it is indeed limited. So making the most of what God or the universe gives you only makes sense.  And I am so sad. Sad for me, for Mum,

In his last HBR article "Digital Ubiquity",  Professor Karim says we should just think about everything we do in our respective companies and how it can be fundamentally changed.  As a banker, that idea makes sense. Even though a lot of the tools I had in my analyst life were already pretty 'cutting edge' vs. some other banks, with everything easy formatted and standardized, truth is I still spent a lot of time doing repetitive little value added tasks.  Don't get me wrong, I love doing slides, but what I love is the idea of conceptualizing them, develop the message, do the data drill that will highlight the key bits in my analysis.  There should be a way my brain (or my drawings) get replicated on a pc easier (without using creative services) And that is why LegalFlow (www.legalflow.pro) makes sense. It is addressing this same issue, but in another industry. Ines, my partner and driver of the business, has the experience of working both in consulting and with law

Silvestre is 30 years old. He does not have a father since he is 13 and he does not have a mother since he is 24.  When ALG met him, at the age of 25, he did not have a very bright future ahead. At the time, he was working at the SLM School, helping Sister Lidia with the Sponsorships. He would collect information on the children, visit their homes, chase the ones missing school, report back to us. He made the Sponsorship program look so simple. One day, Sister Lidia told us what he really wanted was to go into University and he had very good grades to get in. The Uni was close by, so he could continue his work with the children while studying. The amount was high (>£1000 per year) and this was a new field for us. We had not supported higher education before. However, we knew that was the next step for the students that would last in school and wanted to continued studying. More than a burden, it was a sign of opportunity.  ALG took up the challenge (with another 2 Students) and I pe

I miss you blog. I have not had much time lately to come here and spill it out. Focusing on my core has forced me to think about every choice, but mostly my ha d tendinitis is back and my early wake ups really limit what I am able to produce on my tube rides these days.  Then, there is so much happening that I don't even know where to start - 10 years celebration of the charity and my first big speech in Portugal since the charity is more than just me; royal parks half marathon runners saga and convincing people to fundraise; legal flow business model and the need to start crowdfunding immediately, my new job picking up in activity, family worries, all the good stuff.  Moreover, I had to do a sort of ted talk about careers in banking at the Portuguese university I am from which took a great deal of writing abilities, at the same time as I was asked to write 300 words about why I should be nominates to tne Extra Mile 40. Writing in the third person? That was not my best piece. Hand

It is astonishing the impression 3 little words can cause. "I love it". Especially when they refer to something you have done as part of your new job... By day 7! Talk about a kick start. It was an easy win, truth be said, but the appreciation came in a moment of thought and will be remembered. On top of the 'it's really nice to have you' the day before, my feedback from my first 7 days on the job can't be but positive. On top of the questions and doubts of the last few months, a nice breeze shows a promising future.  It is harder to write about nice things I find, as they can be expressed in such easy ways. But I still thought I would make a record out of it. 

So it is Friday and it feels less TGIF than the last Fridays, even though I just returned from holiday and the first week tends to be a pain. Today, my TGIF is different, no doubt I still have parts od it, especially in what relates to getting up at 6am and spendint time wit C. But my TGIF is a happy one because of what I accomplished in one week, despite a certain feeling of overwhelmness with all that I could do. I could even say that this migh be a less depressimg Sunday evening, I will always want the weekend to be longer, but this time I may just be ok with the prospect of another week. Points to note - I even followed a wise man's advice and ubered in one day by a neglectable cost. I am really enjoying the disruptive effect this company has in the market and ita potential to improve my quality of life!

I pulled through my first day, I want to say quite positively. I lacked the enthusiasm of a proper first day as it was also my first day back from a short one week holiday and a 2 am bedtime after a delayed flight.  But all in all I feel ok. Sitting on the trading floor is quite an experience, one that I had forgotten about.  Having someone just glued to you that almost feels has their eyes on you all day but does not really care. I guess it takes a few days getting used to.  But I have taken few baby steps - I introduced myself to the eyes next to me (tomorrow I need to go 2 eyes down the row), I brought things from my still existing old desk, I found the kitchen, the ladies and the closest printers.  Most importantly I added value. I am so obsessed about adding value that I fear jumping ahead or sounding foolish. In a way i feel I have so much to bring, in another way I wonder about those who will see me as useless or worse... A fraud! It is the inner critic again. But today I gave i

This was a week to remember. It was my first holiday on my own with C. On my own is obviously an over-statement as I never really accomplish that state (nor would I want to). But it was the most I spent with myself or doing things for myself rather than for others. Even though I had a full schedule I focused. True, there were other things I would have liked to do, many people I would have liked to see. But all in all I did a few good things and I focus on this nice and unusual feeling of satisfaction. Being on my own forced me to decide what I wanted to do and blame only me if I did not do it. And that seriously improves the usual negative feeling of flying time. S continues to wait for me to change my skype 'status'. It is interesting how the few years we spent in London together make it so easy for her to know what's going on without explanation. My status says 'Sara is always fighting time'. What an irony. Truth be said I wrote that years ago and never really use

I started hooping. I decided to put it on 'paper' so that I stick to it. Mostly, I decided because of T's passion but I must admit I am attracted to the idea of flow. I feel my life lacks flow and maybe on creating physical flow the mental will follow too. And let's face it, if mummy tummy goes away while I have fun practicing something new, feeling like I am learning as I have not done in years, I am in. No, pilates did not count as learning, it never left the pain stage.  What I also like about it is that it flows with me. I do it when I want or am able to do it rather than on a schedule. I do it at home or in the terrace, after C is asleep or if she is away. And for as long as I want too, as structured as I want to. A sport that flows with me has ti be my sport. I used to think surf was my sport but given I stopped going to the beach every week it kind of stopped flowing with me. Si this is my new commitment.  And given I know myself, I am committed to do it every da

I read this article today, and i was going to share it on my facebook I realised ot had the limitation of being in Portuguese.  So I just thought I would bring some pieces here! I am sharing it not because i feel it myself, I actually feel very blessed B is so supportive and actually pushes me to ask for more. And I can't help my thing of my favourite Indian girlfriend.  "The generation of women that was created to be everything a man DOES NOT want' Sometimes I catch myself imagining an hypotetical man that describes the woman of his dreams "she has to study and work a lot and have a permanently full email inbox. Her feet should have blisters because she continuously walks back and forward in her high heels. She should be independent and do what she pleases with her own salary: buy an expensive purse, donate to a social project, make a trip though Europe on her own. She needs to drove well and understand about taxes. Cooking? She does not have to. There is a certain c

No, not me, just life in general. It can never br smooth, it can never be easy, it can never be peaceful. There is one single say that I am able to say all went as planned, even if I dom't plan everythimg, even if I cancel all my trips. It is exhausting, desperating even, trying to keep calm at all times, in the face of any superficial difficulties. But they are sometimes too many to be superficial at some point. When I went to the lecture 'how to balance or blend your life' I did not get to ask my question. Little did I know how much I was going to need that answer 48 hours later. How do you stay focused and happy when despite all the effort to blend and integrate everything, any glimpse of equilibrium keeps being put down by all the things that go wrong. I don't want to give up, i don't want to stay at home yet (especially as I may be even busier at home). But sometimes I do wonder if ot would be easier.

A weekend to remember - returning to Boston 5 years after getting my diploma. I had been to Bostom a few times after, but this time, everyone was back. It beat my expectations.  I was afraid of the somewhat superficial conversation that arises with people you have not seen in 5 years. But even though many of the people you don't meet because you don't, others it is really because you live in different cities and continents, or even if in the same city, life takes the better of you and multi tasking takes a toll on your social life. It was great to hear what people are doing, how many have changed to go pursue new dreams, how many found happiness in their first job and settlement coty after business school.  Being back at Harvard surrou ded with type A over achieving personalities can be tough. I was afraid my already beaten up brain might not react well in light of my constant feeling of failing at something, no matter how big or small. That was a great concern I had with this

The sun is shining on my face as if telling me it will be my light, I am having a somewhat unprecedented moment. Reading in the terrace, sitting in my red chair, dwelling between the reading, a small game and my lazy email. C sleeps and I can hear her wake up as I start typing. But the sun keeps shining. It is telling me to be in peace. I don't have the ocean to do that here, as I did on my former lemon teas in the afternoon in Praia Grande, the ocean can counsel me no further even though I live in an Island. Funny. So today the sun brought the message and is forcing me to enjoy my day. Do you ever relax, asks my coach - yes, if I schedule time to! Well this was not scheduled, for the first time in a long time, but it feels nice. Even C went back to sleep. Maybe I shut my eyes too.

For those that face faith as a personal experience rather than a purely religious institution, Easter is time for renewal. That is why giving up on something makes sense, because it makes you think what you value and could leave without, as a way to focus your mind on transformation. No, I don't think God will give me praise for making a personal small sacrifice, but I do think it gets me closer to inner peace.  So now Easter is drawing close and as many years before this year calls for transformation. Last year I had the biggest transformation of all with C being born on holy Thursday. This year, my day needs to change. I need to gather the strength to admit that this just does not do it for me anymore. Challenge, making a difference and everyday kindness are indeed the most valuable things for me. And I am certain they are available all in one place. I even found them already. So I am putting it on 'paper' so I don't loose focus and my Easter has a real life meaning,

Last night, a post formed inside my head as I was commuting in Westminster but the crowd did not allow me to balance myself, ipad and writing all at once, which means this will probably end up a totally different thought process. I have not written in a while, I have not sort out my life, I have not wom the euro millions and I have not gone through the massive back log I have developed at work and at the NGO. I have also not yet accepted well that our volunteers house got robbed in Mozambique, including the external drive with th work they had done the last 2 months. I just thought I would leave that out there as I focus rather on the positives. What I have done though, even if it does not feel like it, does really outweigh all the have nots. I have come to realize that, as expected, there are good sources of life in the same building and away from my seat as I start questioning that some things are maybe not worth fighting for and you can't always fix what is broken, especially if

I guess I never gave t much thought. In fact, I never even believed most of it when I heard people talk about it. It could be that people talked about it in a way I did not relate to and now I do. So did people change, or did I change?  I want to find out, because the block on believing in gender inequality over the last 30 years was a good and a bad thing. It was a good thing because I believed I had no limits, and it really did not matter - I excelled at school, I excelled at my work, I was given all the opportunities, by my parents, my employers, my professors. Believing you have no limits is on its on, the first step not to be limited. But then I recognise it was also a bad thing, because I failed to notice whether around me other people felt differently, I failed to stop myself for being even stricter at interviewing women, I failed to dedicated more time at recruiting women.  And then it hit me, just like a cliche. Maybe it is like those self help books people talk about, wher

The word has different meanings at different points in time. At first, I thought it meant my self driven turnaround, taking back control and stop commiserating. Sooner than expected, the rug 'got pulled' from under my feet and it was explained to me that after all I would be given no room to do a turnaround.  Tears turned into anger, anger into frustration, and one more turn into a 'whatever' attitude that will clearly require another turnaround? But perhaps a real one this time.  In the meantime life goes on and funny enough the world keeps going around. Sadly I did not make the euromillions yesterday, I played hoping sometimes luck could hit home. That would be a turnaround!

A wise man once said - people may be nice to you but they may not always be kind. For someone like me, who likes to assume the goodness, or should I say the kindness in people, that is not inate.  I guess I never really stopped to think about of all those people who are nice to me, who would really step up the game and still be kind in the absence of a clear win win situation. Less absurd inverse correlation if you think of it like that.  Still, it does not mean I like the thought, it makes you second guess people, second guess thoughts and intentions. And even though this may be how a lot of people operate, it still messes with my mind. I guess my coach was 'spot on' when she said I am extremely values driven and I operate on the basis of what is right or wrong, as per my own values, naturally! That means multiple, somewhat persavive things - first, when other people operate under a value driven approached but based on a different set of principles, I find it just plain wrong,

Yesterday, in a day when we felt luck plays a bigger part in life than we would care to admit, the day was topped with the clear evidence of it. As we watched the final of the women ice hockey, with the US winning since 20 seconds of game, we saw the last 5 minutes bring a turnaround, with the Canadians scoring 57 seconds to the end, as the ball (I know it's called something else) deviating by hitting the leg of the US defender and going straight in from there. Luck? This was just the beginning. As Canadians are playing without a goalkeeper, and the ball is hit without anyone else to the Canadian goal, it magically hits the bar and keeps out. Really lucky. And then as the Canadians are hit by a penalty during golden goal stage, the US also gets an unexplainable one only 16 seconds later, and a more explainable one 1 minute later. And that's it, Canada scores and I can't help but feeling upset. I don't even care about who wins, not like I was rooting for the US, not that

Stuck in the tube, friday 8.30am. Hqd planned to get in earlier but there is a train with no movement on the jubilee line. At least the driver is keeping us in a relatively good spirit and happy to spend Valentine's with us. 'I wish i got information to tell you' but at least he keeps sharing and trying to avoid bad mood and frustration. 'I hope the people staying on the platform can take the next train where I am sure people will be just equally beautiful and eagerly to take them as the people on this train." Anyway - I believe i am on a learning spree. First, baby sign language. And i am certainly impressed by it. I am impressed with so much of it! First, I am negatively impressed about how this is mot taught at school, allowing us to be truly more inclusive with one another. Furthermore, i am impressed about how sign language is not universal. I found out while I was researching courses for baby sign language that there is bsl and asl - and therr i was thinking

Yesterday I prayed for Peace. I do that a lot, probably every week by now (true, I lost the habit of praying daily, shame on me). But Peace not in the sense of world peace, peace as in inner peace. Don't get me wrong, it is not like I don't want world peace, I certainly do, and noises of a war threatening my dear children in Mozambique has shaken me but still, that is not what I prayed for.  I prayed to have light in my choices and peace to keep going in the certainty that they are the right ones. For me and B. Life does tend to question your faith some times. The first time that happened I was 22 and its resolution brought me as a volunteer to Mozambique, which on its own provoked one of the biggest changes in my life - the creation of a A Little Gesture. My faith has been more or less questioned at different points in time since then, most of the times through a feeling of unfairness seeing other people that are close to me suffering. True, sometimes I was also just frustrate

The change (or lack thereof) in investor's interests and attitudes has an impact on entrepreneurs' incentives and ways of doing business and developing a startup. Indeed, the  entrepreneurs' mentality has also changed. While the VCs used to be willing to look for the next blockbuster idea as the best way to maxiize the return on their cash, it seems like now they rather build up a portfolio of mildly successfull startups, even if not life changjng. Now VCs want some sort of proven start ups, more late stage companies wanting to grow than early stage products in need of development. That means that entrepreneurs waning to get funding focus on existing ideas and try to improve them rather than change them radically. Who likes a contrarian? It is a hard sell! This has to bring me into rhe lean start up concept. The idea makes sense and it is rational, both from the investor and the entrepreneur's view.  Everyone is bound to lose less money if the product is better tested a

Have people changed the way they look at incentives and are now more short term focused? It seems like people are still focused on making money as they always were. That is not an accusation, just a fact. Investor's ultimate goal was always a financial goal, whether that was measured by IRR, NPV, number of cars or else, a financial return is what it is. It is about making money. By nature capital is the end, not the means, therefore why would it care about second derivative outcomes. Why would money have to create jobs, new markets,breakthroughs? But if attitudes have not changed why are the outcomes different?   Transparency has increased people's visibility on how others make money and making a quick buck became more achievable but also more desirable.  Town heroes used be those supporting the village with jobs and businesses, not they are the billionaires.  Everyone would prefer to be a 'nice' billionaire but if not, a billionaire will do. Building s business used to

My electronic electronic keys piano broke. I don't know why that makes me so upset as in fact I barely play other than for C.  And barely is definitely an overstatement. So in fact maybe I am just worked up by the fact that know I have to admit that I just do not play, I own no working piano and I threw away 15 years of love for the music. That was the immense sense of loss that I had after trying to connect it in different ways.  Part of me said "well deserved", why pretend I have a piano and play the piano? At least I donºt have to tell people that come over and ask me to play that I can't play for them.   Or maybe I am just upset for all that this specific Piano represented. Sorry T. this was our piano and for some reason it is dead. It was from a time when life was much easier and, no matter all the intensity of HBS I still had time to sit at the piano and practice. And when I could not, T would play for me. Those were the times when we were living together. It