Home Away From Home

It's T-1. Tomorrow at this time I am on a plane to Maputo. I have been away for 2 years, it is too long. Mozambique will always break my heart apart. It breaks my heart to see what's there despite the joy of all we accomplish. It breaks my life to leave C behind but I can't wait to go back. It breaks my heart to leave without seeing every single child but time is too short there. It breaks my heart to spend so much time solving grown up problems when really I wanted to be hearing about children problems instead. It has always been such mixed feeling and such an attempt not to want more than I can get.  When going the important is to focus on the achievements and not the ones we failed, the ones that are in school and not the ones that pregnant, the ones rebuilding their homes rather than the ones who just lost it, the ones getting treatment for AIDS rather than the ones dying of it. It is hard, as the numbers usually are against you.  It's a long and hard ultra marathon...

As I sit in the tube, someone sings next to me in what sounds like arabic. It could not be, but looks like it. Echoing chants in a compenetrated fashion. You can see the surprise in some people's faces when they see someone humming on the train. But as they hear the type of humming, there is a slight cloud of fear that is hard to control. As I look around me I can't help but think many are thinking what he will do next. Reading the lyrics from his phone,that only I can see, as I sit next to him, this image is hard to ignore. The white big male in front of me is markedly checking for movements. I try to focus on my game and leave him in peace. Deep inside, I can't ignore it. And it is so unfair we feel like thi s. I focus on T and all the amazing arabs I know. How this could be a love song that he likes or his practicing or enjoys. How this could be his most efficient way to do his morning prayers. How this could not even be arabic for all I know. But what about all the peop...

Sometimes I feel too low. .  My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own.  I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process.  An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today.  Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...

B is surprised I started blogging and writing again, now, of all times.  I have barely got any sleep last week, I have been stressed (which happens very rarely), I have been worried about not finishing my project, I worked all the way through Easter (which happens most years), I have been exhausted and not able to cope.  That is precisely why I started writing again.  Writing is a coping mechanism. Moreover, I have been using breaks when I by lunch or am in lifts to go through my twitter or read FB articles, and some of them get my brain thinking (like the multi tasking one).  Usually, I would write in those moments. And also, I have never been so single tasked as I have been in the last 2 to 3 weeks. One project is also not something my brain can cope with. And that includes barely doing any charity work, so really there was just one thing on my mind.  There is no way the hyperactive in me can deal with that for a long time. On Thursday at 3am when I went to ...

Last week I got asked to write a piece by the Financial News, related to fundraising for remote causes (vs. local).  Though I did not say much, I was so excited. After all these years, here was my very first op-ed, about a theme I definitely had something to say. 650 words to speak my mind and also bring to the world a bit more about ALG.  I was asked to write the article following my participation in the FN Extra Mile 40 list, for which I got nominated a few months back. This is a new list published by the FN, highlighting the service of people working in the city in multiple fronts - from giving, to doing, fundraising and the like. I was (naturally) in the doers list but I have been keeping a profile on the nomination.  Other than the front page on MS Today, not much of the world knew about it. In time, I believe the list will grow similar to Top 50 Influential Women in Finance, but until then, I am just proud to have been on it.  Anyway, back to the article....

I read an article a few days back, somewhere in between buying lunch and yet another model, about how multi tasking is over rated. It is funny how it reasonated with me, even though I am a born mult tasker.  I do loads of things, And i can deliver on different projects, deadlines, topics and managing different people. Really well. But I do them one at a time, even though they look at the same time. When I am working on something i compartamentalize. If it is something higly absorbing, I go through meal times or loo breaks without note, realizing at 4 pm the deli is close or ran out of bread.  I keep an eye out for the corner of my screen and have usually very defined what will allow me to interrupt - such as an email from my boss or an answer on a question on what I am working on. If less interesting I mqy introduce a greater level of procrastination. Even on email ai try to be focused. If i am cleaning emails, i will do it till the end, to really have the clearest picture of ...

I have been away. For quite some time. When my wise friend reached out to ask if I was ok, i realized how long it had been. And that was 2 months ago. Truth is, life has not been easy on us this year. Health was not bad but was not strong and we had a few scares.  Nanny was gone and we were left juggling everything  with work put down on our llst. And now that js back up on the list, it has been extremely intense as I seem to remember hinting I was not satisfied in my last performance review. I can't even say I am now over with it, because I am chosing to write the morning after I was the one putting the lights of the trading floor on, as I walked by to leave at 1am. But I know I have to re-start somehow.  Nothing was wrong this year, but also nothing felt quite right, Life was a struggle but nothing really zi would complain too much about. And i guess until it felt a bit better I did not have the mental ability to write. I felt too distant from everything.  I am rea...