Skip to main content

Bye

Bye grandma.
Our goodbye was done a long time ago, even before you were ill. Our goodbye was unexplainable and to an extent unacceptable. You chose not to be with me, you chose not to ever meet B or C. Only 3 months ago did you find out C was even born. And we tried, we gave you outs. Even if we didn't, you never even wanted. 
And I am so sorry. I have so much trouble understanding how little love you were willing to give mum. As a morher, I understand even less, as the overwhelming feeling of having kids surpasses anything I could imagine. 
And I am so frustrated. Frustrated you had to end in sadness rather than surrounded with family, with grand children and great- grandchildren. Frustrated about how people chose to be apart when life is so short and so temporary. No matter what we believe about after life, life on this earth as we know it is indeed limited. So making the most of what God or the universe gives you only makes sense. 
And I am so sad. Sad for me, for Mum, for P. We have such great memories. I used to play cards with you, there I was special. Loved having you around, your red polished nails and yellow bright hair. 
Last time we met we begged you to come with us. You said no, 
I am sad I spend my life trying to make others less miserable and I fail with my own family. That's it. I said it. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time is what makes us different

I heard what is likely to become one of my top 3 favourite quotes on a podcast on Friday. "Time is the only real democratic asset. We are all awarded the same time, it is what we do with it that distinguishes us".  Now, I recognise that most of us need to work with survive and that is not democratic throughout. But on an equal opportunity basis, this is an interesting way of putting it. For many years I did not understand why MS thought my resume was so interesting. In fact, they chased me during the entire recruitment process, even though I had no idea of moving to London or Finance. I wanted to be a consultant and stay in Lisbon forever. But traditional consultants in Portugal saw nothing in me, and MS did not let me go. When I started screening resumes and hiring people a couple of years later is when I understood why I was different. TIME.  I was truly different about what I did with my time. Not necessarily the basics - choice of degree or anything. But really ...
1 comment
Read more

Short one: D-Day

It is D-Day today :-) I took out the braids, and the clock is ticking. Bernardo will be in Maputo in two hours. We have plans for the weekend and so much to catch up on. I doubt I will be blogging soon, hehe
3 comments
Read more

Blogging

I have not written in a while. As I hit the bottom I was afraid of what might come out and what might be registered in the web for eternity. But it does not matter. As I go through this stage I know that writing is probably one of the best things I can do, and keeping things inside one of the worst. And short of re-starting my book (or books) any time soon, as they feature about 27 in my list of things I wish I could do, this is just as good.  People used to write diaries, now they blog. I reas on facebook that people used to be upset if someone read their diary, now they get angry if no one reads their blog. It is a funny phenomena. I must say that most of times I think no-one is reading, so why bother, and even those reading won't miss it amongst all other things they surely read. But then a comment comes through, an email reminds me of something I wrote and I know that someone out there comes and visits my home away from home. For good or bad :)
1 comment
Read more