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Piano

My electronic electronic keys piano broke. I don't know why that makes me so upset as in fact I barely play other than for C.  And barely is definitely an overstatement. So in fact maybe I am just worked up by the fact that know I have to admit that I just do not play, I own no working piano and I threw away 15 years of love for the music. That was the immense sense of loss that I had after trying to connect it in different ways.  Part of me said "well deserved", why pretend I have a piano and play the piano? At least I donºt have to tell people that come over and ask me to play that I can't play for them.  
Or maybe I am just upset for all that this specific Piano represented. Sorry T. this was our piano and for some reason it is dead. It was from a time when life was much easier and, no matter all the intensity of HBS I still had time to sit at the piano and practice. And when I could not, T would play for me. Those were the times when we were living together. It was also the piano where I secretly practiced the song I was to play for B in my wedding.  There is probably another reason for me never to have played again, how badly that went. I should have known that playing in front of 300 people was never going to work for my adrenaline levels, even  if I was the bride, I could do whatever I wanted and people would still applaud. Amazing how certain things in life are so important for me and I suck so badly at them. 
So maybe this is my lesson - I don't play the piano, so why having one. 

Comments

Anonymous said…
My dear Sara,
You need a real vacation. Or a very big hug. :-)
The bald guy
02 February, 2014 23:19
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