Skip to main content

Mother of 2

I am now the mother of 2. Almost 7 weeks and counting. And #2 is as hard as I thought it would be. Sleepless nights feel harder, breastfeeding schedule feels harder, crying for no reason feels harder. The only thing that may not be as hard is guilt, as you now know, with the benefit of a 4 year old, you are potentially not the worst mother in the world.
Tonight I come back to writing as tonight is a real mother of 2 day. After so much preparation for the charity gala, I had hoped life would come back to normal today. Ok, so there is still tidying up and follow ups but overall somehow I believed things would be more in control. Oh naivity of an unusual optimist. C started being sick yesterday, required my full (now split) attention today and now exhibits a wonderful 39.6C fever. I feed the little one wanting to be cloned again and have my clone just watching over her rather than having to almost hide in another room to avoid contagion. 
I struggle not to feel guilt on this one, 2 months ago I would have taken my pillow to sleep on the floor next to her, today I had to send B. I guess that is why there are 2. I go back to my admiration for single parenting. But I keep the monitor on, just so I can keep an eye, or rather ear. 
Being a mother of #1 changed my life in many ways, some of them nocive to my health. I wonder what mother of #2 will do.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

We are not afraid.. are we not?

I see signs saying we are not afraid. Londoners are tough and endured the bombings of WWII. But those Londoners are hardly the same as the ones here today. Yes people in general are resilient, more than we think we can be when looking outside out. That is anywhere in the world, not just in London. And truth be said there is merit in not letting fear control our lives and terrorism win.  Well I just walked into the district line, 5 stations away from Parsons Green and I am afraid. I am not shaking, crying or running away. But I am afraid mostly because it is all so natural. Life must go on I said, as I decided I was not going to cancel my lunch and avoid the tube. But that is what makes it scary. Life goes on and in an effort to not be afraid we recklessly do not change our habits and rely on the stats that more people die on the road then on terrorist attacks. Reality is, the law of probability does not matter because terrorist events are binary.  So I think about my frie...

Too low

Sometimes I feel too low. .  My job by nature involves a lot of rowing against the current, or sometimes just rowing on my own.  I have these immesurable drive to get results and some moments in th day, whére I look and evaluate what I have not progressed, it just brings me down. Today I almost cracked. It does not happen often, I must admit. Maybe I should have blogged during the day to help with the venting process.  An accumulation of incompetence, unwillingness and also just the absolute amount of work it needs to be done by a single person (me) has made me really question why bother. As B says, it's just money, and it's not mine. I wished I could feel like that today.  Maybe i just need to buy those supplements And naturally on top I feel like a bad mother. No matter how I spent the day thinking how I missed C, that wont bring me closer, and what does she care about my thinking. She wants me there. She has struggled with the last weeks, and has become more attac...

Wonderful day

What a wonderful day. I am grateful for this newly found ability to enjoy my surroundings. As this was the second weekend in a roll that we were in Lisbon, the should word was quieter than usual and B triggered the crazy thought. Let's just stay home and do nothing! Wow - can we do that, are we allowed? More than allowed, we do that in London all the time and it is possibly one of my few fears if I ever move here - the inability to do what we want over what others want.  We gave it a go and i indulged into cooking us a proper lunch. As we sat  to do nothing after lunch I commented 'what a luxury'. I truly was not familiar with the concept. And even better family came to visit so we had the combination of both worlds. I ended a day with a friend over for dinner over a bottle of wine. I am grateful for all the little moments that filled my day. I am grateful I did so many things I love in a single day, without even expecting. Thank you.