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Mother of 2

I am now the mother of 2. Almost 7 weeks and counting. And #2 is as hard as I thought it would be. Sleepless nights feel harder, breastfeeding schedule feels harder, crying for no reason feels harder. The only thing that may not be as hard is guilt, as you now know, with the benefit of a 4 year old, you are potentially not the worst mother in the world.
Tonight I come back to writing as tonight is a real mother of 2 day. After so much preparation for the charity gala, I had hoped life would come back to normal today. Ok, so there is still tidying up and follow ups but overall somehow I believed things would be more in control. Oh naivity of an unusual optimist. C started being sick yesterday, required my full (now split) attention today and now exhibits a wonderful 39.6C fever. I feed the little one wanting to be cloned again and have my clone just watching over her rather than having to almost hide in another room to avoid contagion. 
I struggle not to feel guilt on this one, 2 months ago I would have taken my pillow to sleep on the floor next to her, today I had to send B. I guess that is why there are 2. I go back to my admiration for single parenting. But I keep the monitor on, just so I can keep an eye, or rather ear. 
Being a mother of #1 changed my life in many ways, some of them nocive to my health. I wonder what mother of #2 will do.
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