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Bigger things

It's the sentence that does not leave my mind. So I put it on paper so it perhaps goes away.nor quiets in my uneasy mind. It is the end of the holiday, a short one this time, and this year i am back to normal with the holidays bringing me to think ahead more than I can see. 
Years go by, now 12 away from home, 10 in London and banking. Is this it? When is this it? The job and career keep going strong. There is no reason to leave, we are all settled and growing. If it was not for that place in the sun, literally, could I stay put? Or perhaps the place in the sun is only the storefront and th excuse to help me get there? Or is it the obstacle? Am I even looking at anything else in London  ? Not really, the only real change I want starts with packing my bags towards the sun. But I know it is not real that it will bring the other things I aspire to. 
I feel my life is meant to be more than this. A year ago, I was on the opposite side of the spectrum. I wanted to hit the breaks, make it stop, be normal and feel happy. I have come a long way to learn what I value and what really should drive me. I feared working onmy values for a long time, as I did not want to see where that road would lead me. Slowly I start to be ready to see it though. And somewhere inside my Mind has startd thinking about it again. It is not about what next, but about what will the future hiold, how will I shape it. I know I need to thread carefully, my Mind sometimes plays tiricks and takes control. I want to be constuctive about it, not to get stuck in the anxiety of not knowing how to get there. 
First of all, i have to even find out what 'there' means. So I feel i am destined to bigger things and I could truly make a difference in them. I don't mean this in any arrogant way, though that may be hard to believe. I mean that amongst all that I was given - drive, ability to deliver, focus, education, professional experience, i somehow feel I could have a larger impact at a larger scale doing something else. It could be social, it could be a start up, it could be teaching or affecting policy. I actually don't hold the answer. But I know it is time to start finding it. 

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