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A new start before I start

So here i an writing this blog about how today is a new start, letting it burst out of my head all the good stuff that in all honesty only comes out once, and i hit the wrong key and it is all gone. I am sure the person in front of me in the tube thinks I am some kind of robot by the way I am typing frantically on my iphone. What he does not know is that this second time round I can not avoid the typos I did not do in the first 1000 words I put out because now it is just not the same and I know i wont be saying all i was feeling and trying to say because I won't be feeling it, I will just be thinking about what I was feeling and writing before because I thought those words to be the best and those feelings to be the most genuine.
It is almost like when I was a kid and I had these rashes of inspiration during an insomnia or even in my sleep and I would compose a poem in one go. Most nights I would tell myself I would put on paper by the morning but I would either forget it never really get it to the right place. I learned my lesson and started sleeping with pen and paper on my night table. And ai thought I had also learnt my lesson with technology because I was trying to save the post before i posted it and that is precisely how I lost it...

Any other day I might have given up, and this would be the end of this post. But today I want it to be different. That was in the end, the entire point about the post, how i was making a new start. Today I want to make a new start like people do in the first of january after new year resolutions, the first of september after the summer holidays reflecting by the sea, the monday where they will finally start doing what they always promised they would do. And it does not have to be the first, it does not have to be a monday, it does not to have any other emphasis than just to be any other day.
All my life I have been ready for this moment. I always thought i was born ready for this and I promised myself I would always do the right choices. Now it's time I make good on those promises and rise up to really be ready.
Starting by going to the gym does sound materialistic and small in light of all this philosophical debut. But it has a deeper meaning that I must attach to it before i give up without even starting. Going to the gym means putting me first. And it means me as in me, not me as in the NGO founder me, the entrepreneur me, the wife me, the social me, the family me. Just plain good old me and my health. And no, i don't even like going to the gym which would probably even counteract the argument and say i am not doing this really for me, I am doing what I am supposed to. But not really. I do feel much better after I go - both physically and mentally. And I can't even tell which one weights more.
I am reaching south ken now with the end of my ride and this blog unfinished as i wanted it to be. But I will take it for fate and assume the rest is just not important.
I want today to be the first of many where i really chose what ai always new i had to chose, where i make work actually work for me, where i make me work for me. I owe that to my little one.
And I hope this is not just an empty blog of mental diarrhoea that next time i will sigh and moan about because I did not act in it.

So I did one thing for myself today. I blogged. Twice. More to come.
Location: London London

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