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Daydreamer

Daydreamer. As Adele plays on my ipod and the large hat coverd my face in an unusual way, protecting my sun obsessed self from the heat of this sunday afternoon in the beach i lose the will of just laying down still tanning the way i always do.

Nothing that usual about this afternoon really. First, I am hiding my head from the sun, which, on its own, is already unusual given I have the strong belief I am constructed as a solar panel and the more sun I receive the happier I am and the more and better I function. And it is not only about sun accumulation, and hence the importance of always having my face turned to the sun. As I know what I am going back to in 24 hours I also feel the need to see remains of sun for the next 30 days that I will be in the island of rain. This is always the most sun focussed weekend of the year given it is the last bank holiday of the year and the last real weekend in the summer (that is assuming you have a summer). So having some colour on my face that distances itself from my usual green or yellow that makes my friends ask me if I am ok, when I arrive here, just after the short hi while they gaze at my face and wonder if this could really be the same person that had a base decent tan year long and used to have her algebra notes by the beach in february. It was easy enough for me to finish off Uni spring semester early to ensure early days in the beach, no study notes, no calculator, just taking it off on the ocean. I mean, one of my bridesmaid (who is really a godmother rather than a bridesmaid but the habit of living abroad just makes it easier to call it a bridesmaid - more pc and universally recognised) actually has as first reaction to my wedding gown trial said "you will catch some sun before the wedding right?". But today has started actually yesterday, with a migraine that is on its second day even with the medicine that always kick it out for at least a monh and the 5th day of migraine of the last 10. As it is common to say this days, outlook is negative.

The other unusual thing is that I am listening to music on the beach. Part of the beach ritual of relaxing and just letting it go is to have the sound of the ocean on the background. Unfortunately, it is a Sunday and this is not the desert beach one would hope for. To keep myself from the wind I need to be closer to the world and that means to be surrounded with people. Being surrounded always gives you a nice feeling of belonging somewhere which I sometimes need to have. Living abroad for 7 years and having the conflict of calling home to my little place in the Island makes it hard to where you want to belong and where you feel you belong. So rather than going around like crazy to make sure i fulfill all my "emigrant" duties and I make everyone happy, i sit in the middle of the mess of tbe outside world and that can be almost comforting. But today i am really not in the mood for all the noises a Sunday afternoon in a somewhat crowded beach with more families than people wanting to rest has. Don't get me wrong. I love kids. But I get disturbed by them sometimes like anyone else. Including I am sure their parents who just have a better ability than I do to filter noises out and let the sound of the ocean prevail above it all. So as i put the music louder to avoid the mixed feelings of a new set of three 6-year-olds that have found the empty space next to me to be the best playground in the whole kilometer of beach Adele keeps trying to calm me down while still allowing me to get some ocean music. I just try to consider myself lucky that I was actually able to find the ipod that is by now so nano that I have barely used it since I bought it a couple of months ago because I can never find it. My next step is to buy a case that in some way makes this bigger. Music relaxes me as long as I do not spend 15 minutes each time trying to find my 1.5 inches music device.

And the list of unusuals keeps running i start realizing how often I have been alone in the beach in the beach for the last 3 months and I cant help noticing it. I always wonder if the time abroad made me lose the ability of always having someone to go to the beach. I like to think it is the fact that I am always running and finding slots of time between my multiple appointments to get 2 hours of sun. Or the fact that people that have real holiday and live here all year long actually don't feel the need of going to the beach on a Sunday in August. And the other thing is, I always knew I would marry someone that loved the beach. But not one that would love the beach when it is unbearable for everyone else. Yes, my husband is a kite surfer and that means my friends know the beach tends to suck when he wants to come. I kind of changed a bit my standards and I can now stand it with a bit of wind. Having eye surgery obviously helped as well, contact lenses make it impossible for one to enjoy a windy beach as opening your eyes is mostly out of the question. So I guess my suggestions of going to the beach always bring the understanding that you may have to bring a sweater along. I rather think of all those excuses than the first one, about being abroad. I am not ready to think about that one just yet.
(28 august 2011)
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